Saturday, January 28, 2012

hair and wrinkles

In my home I am the only one that has a head of hair.  My men are bald.  So all the hair laying on the floor, clogging the drain,  unwanted in the bathroom sink are all due to me.  I have a lot of hair. And to make matters worse, I have decided to grow it out.  Hmmm....more mess.  I have dyed it black to cover my grey.  Since I started working beside a much younger woman I don't want to look any older than I am.  Although many people act surprised when I tell them my age I am, nevertheless, getting older and I  look it. BAHHH  I want to grow my hair longer simply because the length of my hair has not been past my chin for 30 years.  So I thought I would give longer hair a try.  Do not know how long this will last.  I'm very lazy when it comes to "doing" my hair.  I hope it will be long enough to pull up into a pony tail by this summer and if I can last through the summer, I should be able to let it grow down to my shoulders and we'll go from there. My goal is to have it all one length to my shoulders.  Why?  I don't know, just thought i would see if I could do it. I haven't had my hair all one length, to my shoulders since I was in junior high.

On the subject of getting older, I noticed my hands the other day.  Oh my, they are starting to look their age.  I can always tell a woman's true age by looking at her hands.  The rest of our bodies can be fit and trim but our hands tell the truth.  Because I am on the heavy side I don't have many wrinkles. If I would loose about 25 pounds, my neck and face would show wrinkles.  But wrinkles or not, I'm tired of carrying around all this extra weight and it's time to slim down a bit, even if I have to have wrinkles.  No I am not going on a diet.  I'm just going to exercise more often and eat better.

This is my story and I'm sticking to it!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Just keep swimming

Last night when I went to bed I was feeling so trapped.  No matter where I went, what I did,  how I moved, I felt contained.  It was a terrible feeling.  I put my hands on my head and gave it shake. GO AWAY! i said, my thoughts were strangling me.  I finally fell asleep after pleading in my prayers for a simple answer to this negative thought process.  In my dreams I saw a maze.  A huge block wall maze.  It looked just like the one that was used on "Wizards of Waverly Place"  a Disney show I watch from time to time because I love the characters.  Anyways, on the show Alex just used a spell and walked through the walls and found her way out.  My thought, well, I can't wave a wand and walk out of this maze.  Then I said out loud, why not?   I'm in my head  The maze is not real.  No more walls.  Than I was trapped in a large cardboard box, I thought again, there is no cardboard box. The walls fell away. Than there was a prison cell, this one came from a memory of visiting Alcatraz.  I didn't go for that one either. No more bars.   Soon nothing held me.  I could go and do whatever I wanted without boundries.  I do not know why I am struggling with my thoughts so much these days.  I did go to the doctor and she adjusted my meds so I am doing better.  I just try to picture Dorie the little blue fish and I tell myself, "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, just keep swimming!"

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Solutions

REGRET (ri gret)  to feel sorry about an event, one's acts, etc.

 mourn, bewail, lamentcry over, rue, grieve, have compunctions about, feel conscience-stricken, concern, worry, self accusation, disappointment, dissatisfaction, uneasiness, discomfort, annoyance

cry over spilled milk--kick oneself--looking in the rear-view mirror--spiritual distrubance

Garrett asked me the other day to do something for him...stop being negative about everything.  So I thought it over and decided he is right.  I'm so negative because I am so bitter about my own actions.
This year the only thing I am going to change is the unhealthy way I beat up on myself.  Regrets are and always have been on the forefront of my mind.  I have decided that if I can just push them aside (really, I would rather squash them, send them through a high speed blender, than wash them down the drain) many of my so called "problems" will disappear.  Wish me luck and if any of you can spare the time, pray for my success.